He's here...

Kaiden arrived on March 8, 2010 at 4:40am.
He was 19" long and 7pounds 8 oz.
He is perfect in every way and we are so in love!

This is a picture of him at 5 days old...


Life with him has been crazy, he hates to sleep, so I dont sleep much, but it is beyond description watching him grow and learn and explore and begin to become the person that he is meant to be...

He is 5 months old now, and really into exploring our faces and pulling hair...he loves to roll over, but can only roll to the right - for now, and he's just starting to figure out that the dogs are there also...

This is him at 4.5 months:


I dont have time to do much besides take care of him, and have mae the decision to quit my job to spend time with him. It was a hard decision because I love my job, but right now, giving him as much love and attention that I can is my number 1 priority and I think that this will be best for him.

Living a dream...

Well, I've been very hush hush on here, not my normal complaining self, and there is a VERY good reason...on Friday, June 26, I saw that amazing second line come up as I was staring intently at the third HPT that I'd taken that cycle...the only symptom I has were sore BBs...I didn't have high temps, I didn't have spotting, I didn't have anything but sore BBs...

It was a completely unmedicated cycle - our last before going through IUI w/Clomid, and I specifically bought good quality B vitamins to take every day, and **TMI** I ummm, made sure to uhh, get off - about 10 times before O-time cause I heard that it would thicken my cervical lining...

AND!! Shock above all shocks - IT WORKED!!

As the title states, I feel like I'm living in a dream...

It hasn't sunk in yet...I mean, I dont look different, I dont feel different...but, my whole life has changed...it is absolutely surreal!!

Today, we went and saw the heartbeat for the first time, we were only 6weeks (measured at 5wk6days), but saw it immediately, and it was beating away so perfectly...

Anyway...I will probably update a bit more now...I feel a lot safer having seen the heart beat...I am completely in love!!



I swear, its the cutest little spot I've ever seen in my life - though I may be just a bit bias:)

Its the little things...

So, since I have 200 OPKs, ever since CD10, I POAS every time I go to the bathroom...I'm an expert, and I delight in going to the bathroom every time...to see the line, to see if the line is darkening...

My favorite is after a bowel movement...cause then comes the excitement of checking CM also...ya know, cause its always the best after a bowel movement...

Yea...so thats what I do with my days...

Right now, I'm on CD13...no CM today, though I've had some great CM the last few days...and OPKs are definitely not positive, so I'm just minding my time until I O...

This cycle is going by incredibly slow cause I'm going a bit crazy with monitoring everything and taking my temp...but hopefully O will come soon...and I'm going in to the RE for a blood glucose test on Friday, so if I haven't Oed by then, they can maybe to *something* to help speed that along...

But all in all, I'm doing much better than I was last week...

This TTC thing is a lot harder than I ever expected it to be...

Having a rough few days...

Well...I couldn't bring myself to posting this before, but it should be obvious since I wasn't posting good news...I'm not pregnant...

In fact, I ended up having an 8 day luteal phase - I got AF the day after posting about the spotting, which makes no sense whatsoever, since I was taking three things: VItamin B, clomid, and metformin...which were all supposed to lengthen my luteal phase...

And, even weirder is that my progestrone was 13.2 - which is much better than the 6 from last time, and yet last time my LP was 11 days and this time 8 days...no sense at all...

So, I went to the OB, and got an appointment with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist)...luckily, there was an appointment open for last Friday, so I was able to get in then...

He seems to think that I'm not Oing right on my own, but since CLomid is working in getting me to O, I should stick to that...BUT, he wants it to be monitored, so, I'm doing this cycle completely unmedicated while he runs some bloodwork, and then next cycle will be 50mg Clomid - plus monitored eggie development - plus IUI...

I'm pretty much giving in that this cycle will be a bust, and just hoping that it wont be horribly long...we will try anyway, but you all have seen how well that has worked...

I'm happy and sad about the IUI part...happy because we dont need to plan out BDing any more, but horribly sad about the amount of intervention that we are doing to have a baby...it seems incredibly unromatic, and just - well, not what I had planned...its really tough...

So, I'm having some really hard days right now...

That special feeling...

Ok, so, I'm just going to say it (and if you know me at all, you will know that I NEVER ever never have said anything like this before)...

but...

I think I'm pregnant...

I'm shaking just writing it...but this cycle is too weird...

Today, I had *very light* brown and light red spotting on the TP...looking at all my other charts, going back in my memory as far as I can remember, I have NEVER had spotting like this - not at 8DPO (only ever the day before AF...and today is not the day before AF...the earliest that I have ever had spotting is 10DPO, and even that, I think that I was a day off with my days, and that it was actually 11DPO - and AF started the next day)...I can not think of any other possible explanation for this than implantation spotting...and believe me, I have tried...and tried...

And looked up stuff online...this is as close as I've gotten (from FF):

"While you can be cautiously optimistic if you do see these signs (if you have well-timed intercourse during your fertile time) there is no way to really know if you are pregnant before you can reliably test for pregnancy."

But, again, going by the last 5 cycles which I have monitored very closely...this is so different...

My nipples are still sore...my BBs filled out an A-cup bra completely today (yes, I'm that small), whereas usually there is *space* in there...

My temps are so much higher than normal, and my chart (which usually looked the same) looks completely different...

I hate getting my hopes up, I try to never get my hopes up, I'm the most negative nelly around...

Of course, the one explanation is that AF is coming tomorrow...if my temp plummets tomorrow, and AF starts...I'm going to be devastated...but could my LP be that short - on a medicated cycle - LP is supposed to be longer on medicated cycles...right?

what am I doing...seriously...I haven't taken any tests, I have no proof...and yet, I've never been more sure of anything...have I gone crazy? Or, is this really it?

NIPPLES!!!!

Ok, so, I keep saying to myself that I'm not pregnant...I keep trying to repeat it as much as possible to convince myself that it is the truth...I give myself every reason not to think that it could happen...

But, since 2DPO, I've had sore nipples - and I KNOW that it can not possibly be from being pregnant, because the baby wouldn't have even implanted yet...so, why in the world were they sore at 2DPO?? It was probably the Metformin - cause this was my first month on it...right?

anyway, my nipples got less sore until yesterday, and now they are more sore (not really "sore" - just sensitive - and I have to ask myself - am I imagining it or making it happen simply because I want it so bad??

My chart is different then any other month also, I had increasing temps, and then today a sharp drop - could this be an implantation dip? But, there are so many not-pregnant charts that have that and so many people have charts that are different some months - that's probably what it is - and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment...

My drop today dropped to my normal post-O temps...so, might it just stay at this temp??

I'm definitely not having any other signs, don't have to pee excessively, don't have tons of creamy CM, no implantation bleeding at all...no "feel" down there that a little one might be digging in...

But, I have sore nipples...and I'm looking forward to going to bed, because I am looking forward to waking up, because I want to take my temperature...and, soon, find out what is happening from here...

I always test, every month, as much as I want - usually starting at around 7DPO...and just keep testing until AF shows...but, this month is different - I want it so bad that I'm actually scared to test...I'm scared of the results...

I have basically told DH that we are out this month...I dont want him to get his hopes up either - specially this month...cause I just want it so bad...

Here's to sticky beans and dreams coming true...

(I don't even know why I'm writing this - I'm not even writing it on JM - I just need to get it out of my system, but I dont want anyone to know...)

Waiting and waiting...

So, here I sit in the two week wait (2WW to my TTC girls)...

In general, I'm a lot happier in the 2WW, cause I get as negative as possible, and convince myself that I'm not pregnant, and think about the next cycle...while still in the back of my mind, I have a bit of hope...but, I dont stress about Oing, or BDing - what's done is done...that's kind of nice...

I'm only 5 days in, and I've had one "symptom" that no matter how much I try to push it away into the back of my head, keeps popping back up...since 2DPO, I've had sore nipples...I've never had that before, it is not possible that it is a *real* pregnancy symptom, cause that doesn't happen at 2DPO...and no matter how much I tell this to myself, I dont seem to be listening to myself...

So, there it is...sore nipples, sore BBs, and that's it...

Tomorrow I go for a progestrone test...that will be in on Tuesday, and I'm calling for my number which I should get by lunch time... think I'll know if I am possibly PG or definitely not at that time...high progestrone - then maybe...suck ass low progestrone, then no - again!!

I can't even say what I said in my last post, cause if I get my hopes up at this point, I'll be too devastated with the probable results...

Thanks for the response girls...they mean a lot:)