6DPO

Ok, I take it back...I am now not being productive at all...
now that I'm at 6DPO, I'm obsessing about every little twinge...
Honestly, everything is identical to last month, and my temps are so low compared to most people's post-O temps that I might as well get ready for next month...

and, I was so sick also, not the end of the world, but it means I have to try again...

So, on Monday I'm testing even if I have no good reason to test, we dont have school, so I have the day off...I also have my dr appt. and I'm really going to hope that she can get me on SOMETHING so that I O sooner...if they do not give me something to get me to O sooner...then next cycle I'm going to take 150mg soy isoflavones on CD3-7:
http://www.twoweekwait.com/newsletter/2006-01/
Along with the Robitussin starting when I start to see signs of O, and the Instead cups (only for when I need to get up - not when I'm just laying there...I guess I'll keep up the OPKs, but I NEVER get + OPKS, so I think thats just a waste of money...oh, and I'll start BBT at CD14 as well...

At least I have a plan...am really hoping that I dont have to wait till CD31 to O again, its just too long, I cant handle that neverending wait...

In other news, I've been having trouble sleeping all week cause the muscles in my legs are really messed up, and they are still hurting, so sleeping hasn't been fun lately...I need to go do some yoga or something to help them, but I haven't yet...

I guess thats all for today...
Oh - HAPPY (early) VALENTINE'S DAY !!

I'm pretty down today...

Sorry for the downer post...I can be happy and funny...but wow have I not been on this blog...just not feeling it right now...anyway...

I have been doing Big Brothers, Big Sisters for 6 1/2 years. The kid that I have is a really great kid, but the circumstances in which she lives aren't the best. I've been with her since she was 9, and now she is almost 16. Yesterday she was telling me that her mom was screaming at her and her brother because they didn't fold the laundry, and saying how she wished tht she had never had kids, and all kinds of horrible things. This has happened before. A few years ago, the mother kicked the kid out and made her live with a friend of hers in a whole nother town. Last year, she was kicked out again (the mother has anger control issues), and lived with me for a month. And, here I sit, desperately wanting kids, having the financial ability to pay for kids, having the patience to deal with kids (I deal with 150 teenagers every day at school)...and yet, I'm having trouble even conceiving a child, and yet her mom had a kid that she didn't even want and doesn't appreciate - ON ACCIDENT!! Just doesn't seem fair...

To be even more of a downer...a friend of mine has been very depressed since March 2008. Since that time, he has called me on the phone (on average) two times/week - and usually the phone calls last about 2 hours each time. This is hard on me...I've spent hours and hours just listening...and there is nothing that I can do...and its depresing, and just hard...
He's in a really bad spot, and pretty much takes it out on me - he always gets mad at me for any tiny thing, and at a certain point, it really is difficult to take - even though I know he's going through a really tough time. Anyway, last week, I spoke to him for 2 hours on Monday (at a time when I was dealing with my dog nearly dying - and he kept saying how I should put the dog down - but I shouldn't - the dog is ok now -- so I was getting annoyed)...anyway, on Tuseday of last week, he wrote me an email, but I didn't check email Tuesday or Wednesday (I just got busy)...so, on Wednesday night, he called and said to check email...I checked on Thursday morning and wrote him back...and now he wont talk to me...so, I dont feel like dealing with it, cause I dont want to get yelled at, but I'm worried about him, and its making my stomach twist in knots...I emailed him yesterday, I think he wants an apology...but I'm not sorry, I just can't believe that he's this mad at me for not answering an email...I'm not a business, I dont have a 24 hour turn around time...ugh!! This is just making me horribly messed up, am trying not to think about it...but that isnt working...

I got my ultrasound of my thyroid today. Because I go back to the thyroid doctor to get the evaluation of the thyroid on Monday. I've never gotten an ultrasound before, and I gotta say that I was a bit sad that I wasn't getting a ultrasound of a baby...

Again, sorry for being so down...just some things weighing on my mind...

On a positive note, my husband is wonderful...my dogs are healthy...and I'm already 10 days into my cycle...if I can just keep my stress in check (IF ONLY!!), then I should O on CD18...in only 8 days - I HOPE!! I have everything all ready to go:
1. Robitussin (I got 400mg generic tablets) - will take 2/day starting at CD15...
2. Instead cups - already tried them out...to put in after...
3. 50 OPKs (I understand how these work better, and am more in tune with my body so I shouldn't waste as many as I did last time)
4. Starting to take BBT on Tuesday - CD14...and I know that my body is very obvious when it Os now...
5. 21 HPTs...heh heh...

And, the best thing - OBAMA IS GOING TO BE PRSIDENT ON TUESDAY - YEAH!!!!!!!

I also scheduled a first appointment with a gynocologist...and its on February 16 (VERY SOON!)...unlike the yearly person I went to in June...this one will be able to be proactive if she feels that I'm not Oing fast enough...since I have only had 6 cycles in all of 2008, I'm hoping that she will be practive very quickly!

Time to RELAX!

I'm a pretty stressed person - especially with this, cause there is literally nothing I can do to *make* it happen...I'm usually so in control, this is such a new experience...

So, right now, my goal is to RELAX!! I am sure that I stressed so much last month that it delayed O (I kept seeing signs of O - and then they'd go away - 3 times starting at CD18 - which is when I usually - on a normal cycle - O anyway)...so, if I start thinking too much about O...now, I visualize being on the beach, and relaxing...

Right now, I'm only CD4, so its working pretty well...but, as I get closer to O day, I'm sure that it will be more difficult...

So, things I have to keep myself busy:
1. School
2. Hubby (we love going to movies and there are some good ones out right now - will write more on that later)
3. Cleaning
4. Dollies (I've been neglecting them so much lately)
5. Facebook (I've been able to reconnect with about 20 people who I was really good friends with when I was a kid - so, I can always write to them when I'm obsessing too much)
6. Cooking (more on that later!)
7. Visualizing Eggie meets sperm, they fall in love...and the rest is history...LOL!

I have done a blood test for getting results on my thyroid...I'm going back to the doctor to find out the results next Monday...am hoping that it can be fixed quickly...

Where oh where are you?

I'm currently 11-12DPO, and am waiting very impatiently for AF to show up...

I had hope through this morning, but I took a HPT and it was BFN...and my temps seem to be dropping also...

Realistically, I'm pretty sure that we missed the timing on it this month (I think I Oed on December 25, and we couldn't BD until December 26)...so it goes, I learned a lot...

But, this coming month would be an October baby - and since both myself and my husband are October babies, this would be an amazing present to us:)

Ok, so I'll admit, I'm completely OCD, I want to have complete control at all times, and not having it is very stressful for me...so, I'm trying to have as close to a foolproof plan as I can...so, I know that at least if the eggie is a good eggie, it will meet the sperm...

So...my plan:
**WARNING: WAY TMI**
1. BD every other day starting on CD14 (I know I wont O earlier than that)
2. Keep close track of CM...
3. When CM starts increasing, start using OPKs 2x/day (I just ordered 50 of them)
4. Also, when CM starts increasing, start taking regular Robitussin once a day...
5. If temp drops, be sure to BD that day no matter what...same for a + OPK: BD that day no matter what...
6. On + OPK days: after BD, put in an Instead cup after - wait 20 minutes...if no *O* during BD, then manually *O* to make sure that spermies get up there...
(keep Instead cup in for at least 4 hours)

If it doesn't work, and if AF is as late as it was this time (I'm already on CD43!!)...then I will be going to a fertility specialist in February...I've been recording when I've gotten AF for the last year, and I think that information will allow for me to be seen by him/her...hopefully so I can get on some drugs to get the ball moving, and to check everything out to make sure everything is ok...

The Plan

On my TO DO/TO GET list:
1. ClearPlan Easy Ovulation Test Pack OPKs (I ran out cause I had to test so much) - according to Consumer Reports: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/27/earlyshow/health/main538075.shtml

In the end, the ClearPlan Easy Ovulation Test Pack ($30.32/5 tests) won, with a
borderline "Very Good/Excellent" overall rating (it received an "excellent" for
LH sensitivity and was easier to read than most others, but again, it will not
detect the LH surge of approximately 12percent of women).The Answer Quick &
Simple One-Step Ovulation Test ($16.89/5 tests) was at the bottom of the list,
with an overall rating of "Poor" (the only test that received a "poor" for LH
sensitivity, and without a protective cap, it can be messy to use).

2. Robitussin - to make CM more fertile
3. Lunette Menstraul Cup - to keep the spermies in after
4. FRER - because Free Response is supposed to be the best (and earliest), and hopefully I will be needing it this cycle...

Plan is to BD every other day during the week of O...
Will update as to how that works...