Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Absent...

Well, its been months, cause I'm in shock since it is taking this long, I never thought that it would, and it makes me sad to have this blog without good news to update with it - NO, I'm not pregnant...no, I've never been pregnant...no, I've never felt close...

Creeping in my head is that scary feeling that this might never happen...and I'm frightened to death because I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life...

So, this is the update...
After 3 never ending cycles - all lasting 43+ days and all Oing after 30+ days, I went to the OBGYN and asked for help...she was more than willing to help given my cycle length and age, which was great...

So, last month I went on Clomid...
(The good news) - I Oed on CD17 - YEAH!
(The bad news) - I am not pregnant, even though we timed everything perfectly...and my progestrone was 6 (which is very low, especially on a medicated cycle)...that means a weak O...

I've had my good days and my bad days with this - right now, I'm just meh!

Today is CD4, and I go in for a ovary check tomorrow...to make sure that they aren't over stimulated - umm, seriously dont think so...once that is checked out, I can get my CLomid - and start it this month...

I gotta tell you a secret...
I want it this month so bad I can taste it...
So bad that tears come into my eyes just thinking about it...I'm crying right now...
All the other months, I've had an excuse as to why it wouldn't be perfect...this mnth I dont...
It would be a February baby, I want a February baby...it is the perfect month...
My dad has lung cancer, his 70th birthday is in February...
I would get done with the first trimester during the summer when I have off and could take the best care of baby bean...
I'd get maternity leave through Spring Break, and then only have to go back to school for 6 weeks until summer of 2010...

I've already started talking to my eggie...I've told it to grow strong this month, cause mommy and daddy are going to do everything possible to make it into a person...

Ugh! Yes, I'm becoming a crazy lady, and I'm sorry...sometimes it just happens...

3 comments:

The Greatest Journey Ever...TTC said...

awww Tonya...you made ME cry...:( I really really hope that this is it for you!!! I will be checking your journal to see how your appointment went...I am really hoping for good news for you!!!

Mandy said...

Thanks for your honesty, it is nice in a strange way to know I'm not alone in my heartache. It is so, so hard... I am so sorry you are going through this! Have you done a blood test for PCOS and/or thyroid issues? Either can cause the long cycles and lack of ovulation... I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and am hopeful now that I'm on treatment. If you're doing an ultrasound soon, that might give you a clue anyway. Fingers crossed that the Clomid works, and works FAST!

Anonymous said...

Tonya I have to give you a HUGE hug!! Keep up the positive vibes girl!
Elissa