Living a dream...

Well, I've been very hush hush on here, not my normal complaining self, and there is a VERY good reason...on Friday, June 26, I saw that amazing second line come up as I was staring intently at the third HPT that I'd taken that cycle...the only symptom I has were sore BBs...I didn't have high temps, I didn't have spotting, I didn't have anything but sore BBs...

It was a completely unmedicated cycle - our last before going through IUI w/Clomid, and I specifically bought good quality B vitamins to take every day, and **TMI** I ummm, made sure to uhh, get off - about 10 times before O-time cause I heard that it would thicken my cervical lining...

AND!! Shock above all shocks - IT WORKED!!

As the title states, I feel like I'm living in a dream...

It hasn't sunk in yet...I mean, I dont look different, I dont feel different...but, my whole life has changed...it is absolutely surreal!!

Today, we went and saw the heartbeat for the first time, we were only 6weeks (measured at 5wk6days), but saw it immediately, and it was beating away so perfectly...

Anyway...I will probably update a bit more now...I feel a lot safer having seen the heart beat...I am completely in love!!



I swear, its the cutest little spot I've ever seen in my life - though I may be just a bit bias:)

Its the little things...

So, since I have 200 OPKs, ever since CD10, I POAS every time I go to the bathroom...I'm an expert, and I delight in going to the bathroom every time...to see the line, to see if the line is darkening...

My favorite is after a bowel movement...cause then comes the excitement of checking CM also...ya know, cause its always the best after a bowel movement...

Yea...so thats what I do with my days...

Right now, I'm on CD13...no CM today, though I've had some great CM the last few days...and OPKs are definitely not positive, so I'm just minding my time until I O...

This cycle is going by incredibly slow cause I'm going a bit crazy with monitoring everything and taking my temp...but hopefully O will come soon...and I'm going in to the RE for a blood glucose test on Friday, so if I haven't Oed by then, they can maybe to *something* to help speed that along...

But all in all, I'm doing much better than I was last week...

This TTC thing is a lot harder than I ever expected it to be...

Having a rough few days...

Well...I couldn't bring myself to posting this before, but it should be obvious since I wasn't posting good news...I'm not pregnant...

In fact, I ended up having an 8 day luteal phase - I got AF the day after posting about the spotting, which makes no sense whatsoever, since I was taking three things: VItamin B, clomid, and metformin...which were all supposed to lengthen my luteal phase...

And, even weirder is that my progestrone was 13.2 - which is much better than the 6 from last time, and yet last time my LP was 11 days and this time 8 days...no sense at all...

So, I went to the OB, and got an appointment with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist)...luckily, there was an appointment open for last Friday, so I was able to get in then...

He seems to think that I'm not Oing right on my own, but since CLomid is working in getting me to O, I should stick to that...BUT, he wants it to be monitored, so, I'm doing this cycle completely unmedicated while he runs some bloodwork, and then next cycle will be 50mg Clomid - plus monitored eggie development - plus IUI...

I'm pretty much giving in that this cycle will be a bust, and just hoping that it wont be horribly long...we will try anyway, but you all have seen how well that has worked...

I'm happy and sad about the IUI part...happy because we dont need to plan out BDing any more, but horribly sad about the amount of intervention that we are doing to have a baby...it seems incredibly unromatic, and just - well, not what I had planned...its really tough...

So, I'm having some really hard days right now...

That special feeling...

Ok, so, I'm just going to say it (and if you know me at all, you will know that I NEVER ever never have said anything like this before)...

but...

I think I'm pregnant...

I'm shaking just writing it...but this cycle is too weird...

Today, I had *very light* brown and light red spotting on the TP...looking at all my other charts, going back in my memory as far as I can remember, I have NEVER had spotting like this - not at 8DPO (only ever the day before AF...and today is not the day before AF...the earliest that I have ever had spotting is 10DPO, and even that, I think that I was a day off with my days, and that it was actually 11DPO - and AF started the next day)...I can not think of any other possible explanation for this than implantation spotting...and believe me, I have tried...and tried...

And looked up stuff online...this is as close as I've gotten (from FF):

"While you can be cautiously optimistic if you do see these signs (if you have well-timed intercourse during your fertile time) there is no way to really know if you are pregnant before you can reliably test for pregnancy."

But, again, going by the last 5 cycles which I have monitored very closely...this is so different...

My nipples are still sore...my BBs filled out an A-cup bra completely today (yes, I'm that small), whereas usually there is *space* in there...

My temps are so much higher than normal, and my chart (which usually looked the same) looks completely different...

I hate getting my hopes up, I try to never get my hopes up, I'm the most negative nelly around...

Of course, the one explanation is that AF is coming tomorrow...if my temp plummets tomorrow, and AF starts...I'm going to be devastated...but could my LP be that short - on a medicated cycle - LP is supposed to be longer on medicated cycles...right?

what am I doing...seriously...I haven't taken any tests, I have no proof...and yet, I've never been more sure of anything...have I gone crazy? Or, is this really it?

NIPPLES!!!!

Ok, so, I keep saying to myself that I'm not pregnant...I keep trying to repeat it as much as possible to convince myself that it is the truth...I give myself every reason not to think that it could happen...

But, since 2DPO, I've had sore nipples - and I KNOW that it can not possibly be from being pregnant, because the baby wouldn't have even implanted yet...so, why in the world were they sore at 2DPO?? It was probably the Metformin - cause this was my first month on it...right?

anyway, my nipples got less sore until yesterday, and now they are more sore (not really "sore" - just sensitive - and I have to ask myself - am I imagining it or making it happen simply because I want it so bad??

My chart is different then any other month also, I had increasing temps, and then today a sharp drop - could this be an implantation dip? But, there are so many not-pregnant charts that have that and so many people have charts that are different some months - that's probably what it is - and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment...

My drop today dropped to my normal post-O temps...so, might it just stay at this temp??

I'm definitely not having any other signs, don't have to pee excessively, don't have tons of creamy CM, no implantation bleeding at all...no "feel" down there that a little one might be digging in...

But, I have sore nipples...and I'm looking forward to going to bed, because I am looking forward to waking up, because I want to take my temperature...and, soon, find out what is happening from here...

I always test, every month, as much as I want - usually starting at around 7DPO...and just keep testing until AF shows...but, this month is different - I want it so bad that I'm actually scared to test...I'm scared of the results...

I have basically told DH that we are out this month...I dont want him to get his hopes up either - specially this month...cause I just want it so bad...

Here's to sticky beans and dreams coming true...

(I don't even know why I'm writing this - I'm not even writing it on JM - I just need to get it out of my system, but I dont want anyone to know...)

Waiting and waiting...

So, here I sit in the two week wait (2WW to my TTC girls)...

In general, I'm a lot happier in the 2WW, cause I get as negative as possible, and convince myself that I'm not pregnant, and think about the next cycle...while still in the back of my mind, I have a bit of hope...but, I dont stress about Oing, or BDing - what's done is done...that's kind of nice...

I'm only 5 days in, and I've had one "symptom" that no matter how much I try to push it away into the back of my head, keeps popping back up...since 2DPO, I've had sore nipples...I've never had that before, it is not possible that it is a *real* pregnancy symptom, cause that doesn't happen at 2DPO...and no matter how much I tell this to myself, I dont seem to be listening to myself...

So, there it is...sore nipples, sore BBs, and that's it...

Tomorrow I go for a progestrone test...that will be in on Tuesday, and I'm calling for my number which I should get by lunch time... think I'll know if I am possibly PG or definitely not at that time...high progestrone - then maybe...suck ass low progestrone, then no - again!!

I can't even say what I said in my last post, cause if I get my hopes up at this point, I'll be too devastated with the probable results...

Thanks for the response girls...they mean a lot:)

Absent...

Well, its been months, cause I'm in shock since it is taking this long, I never thought that it would, and it makes me sad to have this blog without good news to update with it - NO, I'm not pregnant...no, I've never been pregnant...no, I've never felt close...

Creeping in my head is that scary feeling that this might never happen...and I'm frightened to death because I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life...

So, this is the update...
After 3 never ending cycles - all lasting 43+ days and all Oing after 30+ days, I went to the OBGYN and asked for help...she was more than willing to help given my cycle length and age, which was great...

So, last month I went on Clomid...
(The good news) - I Oed on CD17 - YEAH!
(The bad news) - I am not pregnant, even though we timed everything perfectly...and my progestrone was 6 (which is very low, especially on a medicated cycle)...that means a weak O...

I've had my good days and my bad days with this - right now, I'm just meh!

Today is CD4, and I go in for a ovary check tomorrow...to make sure that they aren't over stimulated - umm, seriously dont think so...once that is checked out, I can get my CLomid - and start it this month...

I gotta tell you a secret...
I want it this month so bad I can taste it...
So bad that tears come into my eyes just thinking about it...I'm crying right now...
All the other months, I've had an excuse as to why it wouldn't be perfect...this mnth I dont...
It would be a February baby, I want a February baby...it is the perfect month...
My dad has lung cancer, his 70th birthday is in February...
I would get done with the first trimester during the summer when I have off and could take the best care of baby bean...
I'd get maternity leave through Spring Break, and then only have to go back to school for 6 weeks until summer of 2010...

I've already started talking to my eggie...I've told it to grow strong this month, cause mommy and daddy are going to do everything possible to make it into a person...

Ugh! Yes, I'm becoming a crazy lady, and I'm sorry...sometimes it just happens...

Best raw soup ever - Carrot Ginger Soup

Last year, I got on a big raw food kick...I ate only vegan raw food for about a month...some things were really hard to make (and super time consuming), others were not...this is my absolute FAVORITE of any of them, and I'm telling you - it sounds so weird, but it is beyond delicious!

Anyway, this is vegan (no dairy) and raw - not cooked at all, so its more of a warm weather soup (but you can heat it a bit - I think it tastes better uncooked)...I found it for the first time at this raw food place called D'lish in Sedona, Arizona...it still tastes super creamy...

Ingredients:
-Avocado (this makes it creamy) - I use one whole one
-Carrot Juice (you can juice it yourself, but that takes forever - easiest is to just use Bolthouse Farms CJ - you can get it at big grocery stores, it is in the fruit section normally - cost $4, and you use about 1/4-1/2 of the bottle, so its not too expensive) - for 1 avocado, I'd use about 1/2-3/4 cup - depending on how big the avocado was

-Apple Juice (I use bottled natural AJ) - about 1/3 of the amount compared to the CJ
-Lime Juice (to taste) - I just get the squeeze bottle of this (it lasts forever)
-ginger (I used to use fresh ginger, but now I just use the powdered stuff cause it doesn't taste any different to me)

I use FLorida avocados (they are bigger than CA avocados - and cheaper)...avocados have fat in them, but it is such a good quality fat...you have to make sure they are ripe, cause when you get them at the grocery store, they are NOT ripe...for me, it takes about a week, I just leave them on the counter and squeeze them once a day...and then when they are ripe, they get a bit squooshy...

And basically, all you do is put it in the blender...
First put in the avocado (don't mix yet)...then put in the CJ/AJ **remember 3:1 ratio CJ to AJ - be sure not to add too much juice or else it will be too liquidy...then mix...finger taste...add the lime (I usually put in about 1-2 tablespoons) and a few sprinkles of ginger...mix a bit more - if you need to add a bit more juice, thats fine, but remember you dont want it too liquidy, and done! Takes 2 minutes to do:)

This picture does not do it justice...

Super healthy meal

Well, sometimes I have to go super healthy - to cleanse...or something...

I've felt that way the last few days...
First is salad, the recipe is straight from this awesome pizza place called SAtchel's which has the best pizza and salad in the world...because of that, I use Satchel's dressing - it might be hard for you to do that, but, its basically balsalmic vinegarette...for the salad:
-spinach (I like it better than mixed greens)
-apples (about 1/2 of one cut into little pieces) - this is so good on salads!
-shredded carrots
-walnuts
-romano cheese (or you can use shredded parmesan which is also really good)
-tomatoes (I LOVE tomatoes!)
-onions (not too much - I put way too much on this time, and it wasn't as good as it normally is because of that)



I get the cheese, onions and carrots pre-shredded, so the only thing I have to cut up are the apples and tomatoes...so, I keep under my 5 minute rule...

I also like to put it in a bowl and mix it up before eating it to make it more blended...

This is SO filling, you wont want to eat for a day - and as you can see, this is a HUGE bowl! The only thing sort of "bad" is the dressing...the dressing that I use has olive oil, balsalmic vinegar as the two main ingredients which is really good anyway...

Docotr's appointment

Well, I finally had my appointment (I'd only gone for pap smears previously), and basically, since we are older, and since we are already timing everything right (and literally checking EVERYTHING already - I brought my bloodwork from last month, all my FF charts, and a page full of questions with me, LOL!) - and my cycles are really long...she is completely ok with being very proactive about everything - so now I'm super excited!!
And, hey, I still have a chance this cycle - right:)

Ok, so this is the plan...
For Matt: Sperm Analysis (he's going to HATE this)
For me (after my period): Hysterosalpingogram (gaack!) - its where you check to make sure the tubes are clear - ohh, she said that my cervix was in a good place, slightly rotated back:)

Then, we are going to do another completely non-medicated cycle...but, I asked if it would be ok to do Soy on CD4-8 (I bought the soy at the store after my appointment - so I'm ready to go), and she said that wouild be fine, so I'm going to do that to try to speed up ovulation...

After my next cycle, if we dont conceive (at that point, it will have been 6 months since we started - even though only 4 cycles) - and everything checks out, then we will be referred to an infertility specialist, and can start medication to get the party started...

ANyway, she was super nice, and basically read my mind with everything I was thinking - I'm very numbers oriented, and wanted to get things checked out beforehand, and she was very accommodating with everything that I wanted...she thinks that I might be getting my period late because I am kinda underweight for my height...I am not ready to do much more than I have been about that...which is just to do less cardio...and eating tons of coconut oil and avocado:)

Legs feels better - musta been the cookies!

So, I don't usually have the ingredients to make cookies in my house, because if I do, I'll make them and eat all of them! Yesterday we made cookies with coconut oil - and they were incredible! I had 7 - yes, SEVEN! - yesterday, and then 7 more today...

I ummm, ate salad for dinner tonight as an apology to my body (I have pictures but am too lazy to get them up tonight)...and now, I'm eating chocolate chips...to punish my body more...I have been wanting cramps and a stomach ache, something to tell me that I might be pregnant, but I have nothing...even with all this junk I ate the last two days - nothing...how in the world can I not get a stomach ache from all that! FWIW, I took an HPT today (8DPO), negative - obviously...I'll keep taking them, cause I have 20 of them left...and, well, I feel like it...

On the good news front, my legs aren't hurting at all any more, so for the first time in a week, I'm able to sleep...I've been taking advantage of that, I slept for 9 hours last night, then took a 3 hour nap this afternoon...I really needed it, hadn't gotten more than 5 hours of sleep this whole week and it was driving me crazy!

Tomorrow is my dr appointment - YEAH!!

On Tuesday, I'm starting a new exercise plan...I have been such a blob about that recently...so, here's the plan:
Tuesday/Thursday - yoga at 6am
Monday - swimming at 5pm
Wednesday - swimming at 6am
Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday - walking for 3-5 miles with DH
That should be a good relaxing exercise schedule...

No symptoms continued...

Still nothing...not overly tired, not bloated, dont have to pee...no cramps...temps aren't going higher (when I look for charts like mine only like 10 % are pregnant!!)...ugh, nothing...

And, my leg hurts bad, and I have no idea what it is...I'm not old enough to have pains, so its really freaking me out...it goes all the way down the outside of my leg, and it has caused me to wake up in the middle of the night every night because it hurts so much...

Well, all that and its V-day...DH is making me cookies which is sweet, and we are heading to a movie and dinner now...

Pretty resigned at this point that its going to be on to next cycle soon...

6DPO

Ok, I take it back...I am now not being productive at all...
now that I'm at 6DPO, I'm obsessing about every little twinge...
Honestly, everything is identical to last month, and my temps are so low compared to most people's post-O temps that I might as well get ready for next month...

and, I was so sick also, not the end of the world, but it means I have to try again...

So, on Monday I'm testing even if I have no good reason to test, we dont have school, so I have the day off...I also have my dr appt. and I'm really going to hope that she can get me on SOMETHING so that I O sooner...if they do not give me something to get me to O sooner...then next cycle I'm going to take 150mg soy isoflavones on CD3-7:
http://www.twoweekwait.com/newsletter/2006-01/
Along with the Robitussin starting when I start to see signs of O, and the Instead cups (only for when I need to get up - not when I'm just laying there...I guess I'll keep up the OPKs, but I NEVER get + OPKS, so I think thats just a waste of money...oh, and I'll start BBT at CD14 as well...

At least I have a plan...am really hoping that I dont have to wait till CD31 to O again, its just too long, I cant handle that neverending wait...

In other news, I've been having trouble sleeping all week cause the muscles in my legs are really messed up, and they are still hurting, so sleeping hasn't been fun lately...I need to go do some yoga or something to help them, but I haven't yet...

I guess thats all for today...
Oh - HAPPY (early) VALENTINE'S DAY !!

I can focus now!!

For the last month, I've been obsessing about everything ovulation...every twinge, timing everything perfectly, not stressing out DH, not stressing out myself...

And now, its over, I've Oed, and at this point there is nothing more I can do...
And, I can finally focus on other things...since getting over being sick, I'm actually doing things that I should have done for the last month...

Here's to getting things done!!

Almond Joy update

So, I promised that I'd update with a picture of my Almond Joy dessert...
So, it is: almong flour, coconut oil, vanilla, salt, cocoa, and agave...

I made this for hubby (it's supposed to be a flower:))

Avocado Sandwich

This is hubby;s favorite!

Pretty easy sandwich, got good high quality fats and protein...although the bread is a carb, try to get good quality bread so that it isn't that bad...

First, take two pieces of bread (I like to toast the bread first - DH likes it untoasted - since this sandwich was for hom, I left it untoasted)...then sppon out avocado onto one side of the bread (since I'm in FL, I use florida avocadoes, cause they are cheap and really good!)...




Then I make a sauce using yogurt (I use Fage - fat free) and Sun dried tomato pesto, and spread that on the other side of the bread...





Then I put a few slices of tomato on one side, and some spinach on the other...



DH just went for a long run, and was worn out, so I wanted to give him some protein, so I included tempeh (tempeh is a soy product fermented with bacteria - sounds gross but its really good...it is not overly processed like tofu is, so its not "bad" in the way that processed tofu is...I get these patties from a local grocery store, and they are made locally also - this is tough to find if you aren't in a vegetarian friendly town) in the sandwich - personally, unless I'm in need of protein, I like it better without the tempeh, but he likes it better with...I just boil it, then put it on the sandwich...





When I have the tempeh in it, it is a huge sandwich, so I then stick a toothpick in either side, and then cut it in halves...




Anyway, a good quick sandwich - enjoy!!

TIMING!

So, this week, I noticed a huge increase in CM...and I knew that it was O time...last month was either CD30,31,32 (it was Christmas, so I dont know for sure), so I was hoping that this month would be the same. I had everything planned perfectly...we would BD on Wednesday (CD28), then again on CD30 (we were going out of town on Saturday to MIL house, so we couldn't on Satuday...but I'd drop the dogs off at my friend's house on Friday night, so we'd be able to BD without the dogs around - double good)...and then, if needed - again on CD32 (Sunday)...

Here's to great plans...

Started off well enough, got in a good BD on Wednesday...

Then, Thursday night, I started to feel the scratchy feeling in my throat - uhh ohh!!

Friday morning, temp was still normal (no fever) - and low, so I definitely didn't O on Thursday - but by lunch time, I was feeling bad. The kids at school were giving presentations, so I had to stick around...and by the end of the day, I was feeling horrible!! Took an OPK at 11am, and it was glaringly negative, so was hoping that we could skip our Friday BD, and I'd feel well by Sunday and we could catch the eggie then...but I kept think that I must be Oing, cause I was really getting all of the signs - high, soft CP, tons of EWCM, etc. I decided to take an OPK right after school let out at 3:30pm (cause I really had the feeling that it was just my bad luck that the timing would be like this - ugg!), and to my surprise, it was as close to + as I've ever seen it...since reading the Consumers Report about OPKs being negative even when Oing, I decided that I'd fake out DH, and BD anyway...so, I rested for a while, pretended that I was feeling fine when I was talking to DH, but was just feeling worse and worse...but, I was also feeling major O pains...I dont know if that was my body actually Oing, or just preparing to O, but I KNOW that it meant that O was very near!

Finally, I took my temp, and it was 101.87 - that's really high for me - and I used my BBT, so it was probably higher than that...and so I finally broke down and told DH what was going on...ugh!! Poor guy...it was like, you have to do it right now, but I feel awful, so I'm just going to lay here like a blob, oh, and you cant kiss me either, and I'm not going to kiss you...so, anyway, we decided that it just wasn't meant to be this month...I still held out a bit of hope cause we BD on Wednesday, so I didn't want to take anything that would be bad for a baby, or dry up CM, so I ended up taking 2 Extra strength Tylenol...that definitely helped with the fever...

Well, I woke up at 4am, and had just huge gobs of EWCM...and my temp was only 100.7, and I was feeling a little better (at that point, I knew that I just had a cold and not the flu - if I'd had the flu, we would have just skipped the month, cause when I get the flu, I get really sick!)...so, I woke DH up from deep sleep...and told him I wanted to do it right now...so, I was a - slightly more animated than last night - hot blob...and we managed to do it...I elevated my pelvis for an hour afterward, and put in an Instead cup as planned (think I put the cup in wrong - am hoping that doesn't mess things up), the only thing (besides the fever of course) which didn't go as planned was that I hadn't eaten much or had much to drink - so my CM wasn't quite as watery as I had hoped (if I'd thought about it, I would have taken some Robitussin, but I wasn't quite thinking that clearly)...

So, we went off to MIL house, and my fever had broken...but then we walked around till 3pm (some leaking from BDing in the morning - think I really put that Instead cup in wrong, cause when I did pull it out 6 hours later, there was a big snot rocket of either semen or CM caught on the plastic edge), so it goes...anyway...definitely felt worse than earlier in the day, went to bed at 4pm, and by 7pm when I woke up fever was 100.64...then ate, watched a movie, relaxed - and ate ice cream!! Before going to bed, fever was 98.97 (much better)!

Woke up Sunday with BBT of 98.39...not a fever, but much higher than my normal - even post-O BBT, so I still dont know if I Oed...

Well, after all that, DH is kinda sick right now...I feel better...still have a little bit of EWCM, but I'm going to go with that we did what we could to catch this eggie...

Should be able to get an accurate BBT tomorrow morning, and I'm literally waiting in anticipation to go to bed tonight so that I can wake up tomorrow and find out if I Oed...it is the strangest things that we TTC people look forward to:
- peeing on sticks (and usually getting a bit of pee on ourselves also
- going to bed (cause it makes the time go by faster until we wake up to take our BBT)
- waking up (to take BBT)
- peeing (cause then we can look at the toilet paper for evidence of CM)
- sticking our fingers "up there" (to feel CP)
weird stuff!

Anyway...will update when I know for sure if I Oed...
Either way, am not holding up that much hope for this cycle, simply because my fever was so high, that it probably killed the spermies before they even had a chance...

Also, by Dr. appt is on February 16 - when I should be 9DPO (if I Oed on Saturday when I think I did), so I'm going to test right before going there (I'm OK with a negative, I'd rather just know so that I wont hold out hope!!)...

Well, nevermind...again...

So, my hopes were high yesterday - thinking that I might O - I mean, it's CD26, so it should happen soon, right?

But, I dont think it did...CM dried up just like every time I almost O - but don't...so here I sit, once again...so mad at my body for not working right (AGAIN!)...

Neverending comedy of TTC...

So, yesterday, I felt the lube (just a little but it felt right for O)...so, I decided that we will DTD, and I have everything ready...
But, DH is running 12 miles...so, he is tired - and smelly...

So, off to the shower...that was fun, all cleaned up...
Put the dogs in the back, and pretend to walk out the door (open it and slam it shut)...and then sneak into the bedroom...feel like teenagers sneaking off for some fun...exciting...

Poor guy is so tired, we dont fool around much, just get right to it...since I'm not warmed up, I got the Preseed right there to squeeze in - works perfectly...he gets cramps etc from the run...but finish beautifully...insert Instead cup as planned...relax and snuggle...and then 2 minutes later, my mom calls - oh crap, its 6pm and we were supposed to pick her up (she just came into town) to go to dinner...so, instead of snuggling, off we go...I still have the cup in - and I'm so rushed, that I didn't even get to wipe down there - so I'm dripping a bit and everything...ugh!

So is the trials of TTC:)

Well, dont quite know if that bit of EWCM was the real thing, but I definitely feel close...OPKs are still negative, but as I said before, I'm kinda ignoring those...CM for the next two days will tell the tale and BBT will confirm it...I really hope this is it...

Going to try to do: Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday this week - or at least till O is confirmed...

C'mon baby - catch that EGGIE!!!

AHH!!

I feel a LITTLE BIT more "lube" down there...please let it be a sign...that is all!

NEVERENDING

The neverending cycle is making me really sad...
I've not wanted to do anything today...just sit here and mope...Usually, I'd exercise, but I dont want to do that, cause I think thats what screwed up my cycle to begin with...I want to DTD with DH, but the $#%@ing dog wont stop crying...

I just read the forums all about people who at least O, at least have a chance - and I get sad...

Then I'll read about celebrities (which is mind numbing so I get out of my own little world for a while), just to read something else...and then I feel my brain cells stabbing themselves, so I stop...

Then I'll read the news, and I'll get depressed - love Obama, but just way too burnt out from the election cycle...

I had high hopes this morning, took an OPK at around 11am (yesterdays OPK was almost positive, so I was hopeful even though the other signs weren't there), and it was super negative, and just got down...

I have a doctors appointment on February 16 at a place that does do infertility...and I'm going to be VERY vocal that I need something done for me...this is ridiculous!

Oh, and to top it all off...we are supposed to go to MIL house next weekend - and so help me, if it is O time (and it should be based on a 31 day O) I am NOT staying overnight...and she gets very pissed very easily...ugh...how much do I not want to deal with that...but I dont even care...I already gave up my chance in December because of being at my parents house over Christmas and I'm not doing that again!

&#$@ing DOGS!!

Ok, I love the dogs, but yesterday - they really ruined things!!

Ok...I have 2 dogs, one is really needy, one isnt...
Well, normally, we kick the dogs out when DTD...but the needy dog had started to cry at the door (he didn't used to, but after having a sudden irregular heartbeat last month where he had to go to the vet ER and nearly died, he doesnt want to leave my side)...

So, then, we started letting them in, but that didn't work well either...cause they would start humping - on the bed (between our legs) while we were - rrrmmmm - humping...yea...

So, yesterday we kicked them into another room, but the needy dog was crying - loudly - very distracting...so we moved them into the laundry room, and he started crying at the door and clawing at it...so then we got out the cage, and put them in the room with us, but in the cage...still crying at the top of his lungs (in the middle of DTD - I literally screamed at the dog to shut him up - romantic - huh?)...so then we took the cage (mind you, this was all while in the middle of trying to DTD)...brought it out into the room furthest from the room we were in (our house isnt that big), and we could still hear him...so then we took it outside (its 58 for a high, so not horribly cold), and put a blanket in the cage with them...
And, we were butt naked the entire time...

Well...at that point we couldnt hear them, but we were worried that our neighbors could - and we also weren't - ummm, in the mood at all any more...

So, now today, hubby says that he is worried that he didn't finish...I'm telling him - it was the dogs...but he's concerned...which makes him overthink things...and since he is stressed anyways...ugh...this could be a problem...

I'm going to jump him today, and hope for the best...

Got the dogs in the other room right now, the needy one is already crying so this should be fun to see who is more stubborn - me or the dog...

SLEEPY!!

Maybe sleeping more than 6 hours/night will help me O earlier?

I hate being patient!

OPRAH and my diet!

Am so obsessed with so many things...

I was watching Oprah, and she had Dr. Oz and some other health guy on - and they both said what a great breakfast that 2 eggs was!! COOL!! I eat that every day...

Lunch is good with the kashi...

After work, I eat veggie sushi which is also good...

And then dinner in beans and quinoa/or frozen dinner...pretty good too...

Only bad is that I make myself those Almond Joy balls or chocolate concoction every night...and sometimes I sneak a cookie or two during the day at work...

Think I need to change the veggie sushi to something like grilled veggies, since the sushi is expensive and I dont have many other veggies...also, NEED more water...but other than that, I'm set...

Haven't gained hardly anything since Ironman, so thats good...

OMG - I'm such a liar!

So, today I was talking with a co-worker about looking at houses, DH and I are thinking of getting a larger house in prep for baby to be...but, I was telling her that we were getting a larger house because we were running out of space in our house now...cause we had too much stuff (WHATEVER!)

Well, she hints that I should start thinking about starting a family if I'm going to be getting a bigger house and all that...so, what do I say? No, of course I dont tell the truth which is that I've been trying since NOVEMBER and all I think about day and night is trying to have a baby...no, not at all...I recoil in horror at the thought...saying "Oh no, we are no where near ready to have a baby"...

In my mind, I am thinking to myself WHAT A LIAR!! I mean, this is my closest friend at work, and I'm not even telling her that we are actively trying to have a baby and that it means more to me than anything else...

But, I think this is why most people think that having a baby is so easy...because when I do get pregnant...I will say, oh it just happened...bull!

I'm also lying to DH, but this is an ok lie...DH gets stressed easy, so it would distract him from DTD if he thinks that it is only for baby making...so, I told him that I'm Oing on Valentines Day...all I can say is that I BETTER not be Oing on V-day (that would be about CD40!!), I should know if I caught the egg by then, but I'm not telling him that...cause I dont want him to stress out about it...

ANyways, I'm a liar...and an impatient one at that...

I'm checking everything:
-BBT
-OPKs

to figure out if I'm Oing or not, and I'm simply not yet...am trying to be patient, but, I'm already at CD20...and no sign of O...just hope that it comes soon!!

Weirdest dinner EVER!

Can you tell that I'm totally obsessed with food...

This weekend, we saw two infomercials on juicing...so, we were really in the mood to juice stuff...

We are so weird with food...will find something that we love, and eat it a bunch for a few weeks, then not eat it for years...well, that's how its been with juicing...we were really into it a few years ago, then since then, we just got out of the mood...

So, today, we wanted to try again...**please note: unless you are brave, I wouldn't necessarily recommend trying these...it was - ummm, different...
Got:
2 sweet potatoes
3 squash
2 bags spinach
5 lbs. carrots
2 apples

Juiced the sweet potatoes - tasted really good (but this weird fiber pink stuff settled on the bottom - really strange)...then took the left over pulp, added an egg and a bit of cinnamon...and grilled them up with butter as sweet potato pancakes...not too bad at all...

Then juiced the spinach (that didn't taste good by itself)...mixed the pulp with the rest of the sweet potato mix stuff, added some flour...and made spinach/sweet potato pancakes...

Juiced apples (2)...took the pulp, added a bit of the apple juice back, and made applesauce with it...

And, there you go...spinach/sweet potato pancakes with apple sauce...

Then juiced some carrots...and mixed together:
spinach, sweet potato, carrot, apple juice - GREAT!!

Took the left over carrot pulp, and tried to make a carrot cake by adding:
2 eggs
some flour
walnuts
raisins
agave
cinammon
baking powder
vanilla
(I have no idea how much of each, I had no clue what I was doing)...

Baked it for 2 HOURS!! Took forever...still could have been baked longer...

Frosting was:
yogurt
cinammon
agave
vanilla

Interesting...not great, but I can do better...if I can figure something out, I'll write it up...if I had almond flour, I would have used that...will see for next time...

But, wow, what a strange dinner!!

Curried Lentils for dinner

Ok, this is DH favorite meal of all the ones that I make for him...
It actually takes longer than 5 minutes - you can do a shortcut if you use canned lentils instead of dried ones...

Ingredients:
White/Brown Quinoa
Fage Yogurt
Green lentils
Raisins
**I meant to put some spinach in there, but forgot, so you can add that also



Start the lentils first...
For 2 people, I measure out exactly 1/2 cup of lentils...put them in the pot with about 1 1/4 cups water (I don't measure the water, just eyeball it...), and boil it...it has to boil for a total of 20 minutes, so if I need to add more water, I'll do it later...I lost the op to my pot, so I boil it without a top on it...let it go for about 10 minutes by itself...then come back, add curry and everglades seasoning (I add a pretty decent amount)...then mix...and let it go for the last 10 minutes...






During the last 10 minutes, I start the quinoa. Quinoa is a really weird grain, not well known, but super super nutritious! Here is some more about it from Wikipedia:

In contemporary times, this crop has become highly appreciated for its nutritional value, as its protein content is very high (12%–18%), making it a healthful choice for vegetarians and vegans. Unlike wheat or rice (which are low in lysine), quinoa contains a balanced set of essential amino acids for humans, making it an unusually complete protein source.[5] It is a good source of dietary fiber and phosphorus and is high in magnesium and iron. Quinoa is gluten-free and considered easy to digest. Because of all these characteristics, quinoa is being considered a possible crop in NASA's Controlled Ecological Life Support System for long-duration manned spaceflights.

You can boil it in a pot, but I'm impatient, so I just stick it in the microwave...

Anyway...for 2 people, I measure out 3/4 cup of quinoa - I use both the brown and white quinoa mixed together (at the store, it is about $3.99/pound, so not too expensive)


then I add about 1 1/2 cup water (again, I just eyeball it)...


I stick it in the microwave for 8 minutes...when done, I stir it around a bit...

if it is a bit watery, I'll put it in for another 2 minutes, if not, I'll use it as is...

Since I usually start the quinoa when there is about 10 minutes left with the lentils, they finish up at the same time...so, I plate it by putting the quinoa on the plate, then the lentils on top - then the most important parts...Fage yogurt and raisins on top...this MAKES the dish...it really is SO yummy!!



Nutritional Information:

Kashi Pasta Pesto on sale!!

Hey, now this makes for a good day...was at Publix, and noticed that the Kashi frozen dinners (which I love and eat every day at school) are 50% off...my poor DH started rolling his eyes, cause he knew what I would do...I got every Pasta Pesto in the store...31 of them...worked out to only $1.90 each (ended up saving $58!!)...there is absolutely NO WAY that I could make that stuff for that cheap...yea!!

We had a bet when we got back to the house whether I could even fit them into the freezer...had to take all of them out of the boxes, but I was able to fit everything in - with room to spare...gonna go to another Publix and get more tomorrow...LOL...

I have 90 days of school left, so if I can get 60 more, then that would work out perfectly!!

Spinach Omlette

Ok, so I definitely had a nice night last night, we went to the Star Party, and silly DH was in shorts (he's a bit stubborn and he hates pants), so he was cold, but they had a campfire, hot cocoa, and smores...so it was all good...

Got to see Venus up close, the Orion nebula (a cloud of dust and gas in the Orion constellation) and the Pleideas (sp?)...very cool...

So, I'm up again, and making breakfast...I'd never made this before with spinach, and it definitely needs some tweaking, which I'll talk more about as I go...again, it took a total of 5 minutes...but I was only making it for myself, so for 2 people, it might take a bit longer...

Ingredients (sorry, didn't take a picture of them):
2 eggs
spinach
Everglades seasoning
Fage Yogurt
Strawberries

The first thing I did was make the inside of the omlette...steamed the spinach...then put the drained spinach in a cup, and mixed in the yogurt and the Everglades seasoning (I love the stuff, the flavor is just about perfect for almost everything)...






Then I made the egg part - this is the part that I definitely need to tweak - will explain as I go. What I did was just break the eggs, put them right in the pan, and stir a bit with the spatuala...but, the eggs were a bit "thick"...so, what I should have done is put the eggs in a bowl, mix with some milk...and then put it in a larger pan to make a larger, thinner omlette...so, if you are making this - do that...anyway...after the top part got more solid looking, I flipped it with a spatula, and just let the other part cook for about 30 seconds...




After that, I put the omlette on a plate...then put the yogurt/spinach inside...and made it into an omlette...for flavor, I put a bit if everglades seasoning on top...also included a few fresh strawberries, cause they looked yummy...hope you like it...




Ok, now for the nutritional value:
2 eggs: 70 Cal each = 140 Cal (10 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates, 12 g Protein)
Spinach (about 1 cup): 7 Cal (0 g Fat, 1 g Carbohyrates - 1gFiber, 0gSugar, 1 g Protein)
Yogurt (1/2 cup): 60 Cal (0 g Fat, 4.5 g Carbohydrates - 0gFiber, 4.5gSugar, 10 g Protein)
Strawberries (3): 17 Cal (0 g Fat, 4 g Carbohydrates - 1gFiber, 2.5gSugar, 0 g Protein)
Total = 224 Cal (10 g Fat, 9.5 g Carbohydrates - 2gFiber, 7gSugar, 23 g Protein)

WOW! Very few calories...fewer than I thought, and tons of protein...good!
If I keep this kind of calorie content up, then I can eat 5 meals a day - GREAT!!

A bit better mood...

Well, still a bit in a funk...but I'm getting over it...

Helped DH pack boxes to take to the post office today (he sells toys online)...and then we went to get bagels and happened to pick up a magazine about houses for sale...we started talking about getting a new house (ours is really small)...and for the first time, he seemed really into it - which was exciting! A friend of mine is a realestate agent, so I emailed him, and asked him to keep his eye open for a house for us...I don't think that it will happen anytime soon...but to know that we are on our way to a bigger house - just makes the family thing all the more real - cause we have to have a reason to fill it...

Tonight, we are headed out to a star party with all my kids from school...they are having telescopes, hot cocoa, and smores there along with a big campfire cause it is going to be cold...should be nice...gonna try to get some lovin' from DH beforehand...last night we were going to fool around, but he'd been up at 5am and been at school till late...and by the time we were starting to fool around, he was just too tired...poor baby!

I'm pretty down today...

Sorry for the downer post...I can be happy and funny...but wow have I not been on this blog...just not feeling it right now...anyway...

I have been doing Big Brothers, Big Sisters for 6 1/2 years. The kid that I have is a really great kid, but the circumstances in which she lives aren't the best. I've been with her since she was 9, and now she is almost 16. Yesterday she was telling me that her mom was screaming at her and her brother because they didn't fold the laundry, and saying how she wished tht she had never had kids, and all kinds of horrible things. This has happened before. A few years ago, the mother kicked the kid out and made her live with a friend of hers in a whole nother town. Last year, she was kicked out again (the mother has anger control issues), and lived with me for a month. And, here I sit, desperately wanting kids, having the financial ability to pay for kids, having the patience to deal with kids (I deal with 150 teenagers every day at school)...and yet, I'm having trouble even conceiving a child, and yet her mom had a kid that she didn't even want and doesn't appreciate - ON ACCIDENT!! Just doesn't seem fair...

To be even more of a downer...a friend of mine has been very depressed since March 2008. Since that time, he has called me on the phone (on average) two times/week - and usually the phone calls last about 2 hours each time. This is hard on me...I've spent hours and hours just listening...and there is nothing that I can do...and its depresing, and just hard...
He's in a really bad spot, and pretty much takes it out on me - he always gets mad at me for any tiny thing, and at a certain point, it really is difficult to take - even though I know he's going through a really tough time. Anyway, last week, I spoke to him for 2 hours on Monday (at a time when I was dealing with my dog nearly dying - and he kept saying how I should put the dog down - but I shouldn't - the dog is ok now -- so I was getting annoyed)...anyway, on Tuseday of last week, he wrote me an email, but I didn't check email Tuesday or Wednesday (I just got busy)...so, on Wednesday night, he called and said to check email...I checked on Thursday morning and wrote him back...and now he wont talk to me...so, I dont feel like dealing with it, cause I dont want to get yelled at, but I'm worried about him, and its making my stomach twist in knots...I emailed him yesterday, I think he wants an apology...but I'm not sorry, I just can't believe that he's this mad at me for not answering an email...I'm not a business, I dont have a 24 hour turn around time...ugh!! This is just making me horribly messed up, am trying not to think about it...but that isnt working...

I got my ultrasound of my thyroid today. Because I go back to the thyroid doctor to get the evaluation of the thyroid on Monday. I've never gotten an ultrasound before, and I gotta say that I was a bit sad that I wasn't getting a ultrasound of a baby...

Again, sorry for being so down...just some things weighing on my mind...

On a positive note, my husband is wonderful...my dogs are healthy...and I'm already 10 days into my cycle...if I can just keep my stress in check (IF ONLY!!), then I should O on CD18...in only 8 days - I HOPE!! I have everything all ready to go:
1. Robitussin (I got 400mg generic tablets) - will take 2/day starting at CD15...
2. Instead cups - already tried them out...to put in after...
3. 50 OPKs (I understand how these work better, and am more in tune with my body so I shouldn't waste as many as I did last time)
4. Starting to take BBT on Tuesday - CD14...and I know that my body is very obvious when it Os now...
5. 21 HPTs...heh heh...

And, the best thing - OBAMA IS GOING TO BE PRSIDENT ON TUESDAY - YEAH!!!!!!!

I also scheduled a first appointment with a gynocologist...and its on February 16 (VERY SOON!)...unlike the yearly person I went to in June...this one will be able to be proactive if she feels that I'm not Oing fast enough...since I have only had 6 cycles in all of 2008, I'm hoping that she will be practive very quickly!

Dessert: Raw/No Sugar Almond Joy Balls

I need to get pictures of this next time...
This takes about 5 minutes to make (10 minutes to "set" in the freezer), but hubby is absolutely addicted to them since I began making them last week...they really do taste like Almond Joy! YUMMY!

Ingredients:
1 teaspoon Coconut Oil
1/2 cup Almond Flour (this is kinda hard to find, but I found it really cheap on the internet)
1 teaspoon agave nectar
about 1/2 teaspoon of cocoa
pinch of salt

Heat the coconut oil in a microwave safe dish for about 20 seconds, and it will melt...then add the almond flour and mix well...add the other ingredients...then make into a bunch of little balls, and put in the freezer for about 10 minutes (enough time for the coconut oil to harden)...and done!!

This isn't a big dessert, and it DEFINITELY has fats in it (but not *bad* fats)...
However, if you are craving *something*...this is a good option...

Nutritional information:
Coconut oil (1 teaspoon): 58.5 Cal (7 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates, 0 g Protein)
Almond flour (1/2 cup): 320 Cal (28 g Fat, 12 g Carbohydrates - 6gFiber/2gSugar, 12 g Protein)
Cocoa (1/2 teaspoon): 3 Cal (0 g Fat, 1 g Carbohydrates - .5gFiber/0gSugar, 0 g Protein)
Agave (1 teaspoon): 30 Cal (0 g Fat, 8 g Carbohydrates - 0gFiber/8gSugar, 0 g Protein)

Total Calories: 411.5
Fat: 35 g
Carbohydrates: 21 g
Fiber: 6.5 g
Sugar: 10 g
Protein: 12 g

Since this was split in two, the total was: 205.75 per person - not bad!
Fat: 17.5 g
Carbohydrates: 10.5 g
Fiber: 3.25 g
Sugar: 5 g
Protein: 6 g

Lunch

I'm a teacher, so normally, I dont have time to make a complicated lunch...also, when I'm home, I refuse to make something for lunch that takes more than 5 minutes...

I found these for school, and have eaten this every day of school for the past 3 years:
http://www.kashi.com/products/kashi_entrees_pesto_pasta_primavera
Kashi Pesto Pasta Primavera. Of course, the best thing is that it tastes great, and cooks in the microwave quickly. But, it also is one of the least expensive options - $3.69 each. And, Publix has it on sale for 2 for 1 about twice a year (the last two times they have done this, I've gotten about 50 of them each time, and saved hundreds of dollars!)...

Calories are also not too bad:
Total: 290 Cal (11 g Fat, 37 Carbohydrates - 4gSugar, 11 g Protein)

If it is the weekend, DH and I usually go out to eat, two good options are:
1. Minestrone Soup from The Olive Garden (just try not to overdo it on the breadsticks)
2. Bagel sandwich at the local bagel shop (a bit of a splurge on the carbohydrates, but still good, includes: bagel, lettuce, tomato, avocado, sprouts, onions, provolone cheese)

If home, I can do:
1. Vegetarian Sushi from Fresh Market
2. Avocado, Spinach, tomato sandwich (on toasted bread - though again, I need to find a bread that doesn't have any soy in it)
3. Kashi Roasted Vegetable Pizza: http://www.kashi.com/products/kashi_thin_crust_pizzas_roasted_vegetable

Breakfast

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so I start out with a big breakfast...it takes a total of about five minutes to cook, and tastes delicious!!

I eat the same thing for breakfast every day:

Breakfast:
2 cage-free organic eggs (scrambled, but put it in a non-stick pan, and just flip it over to cook it, makes it into a circle shape)
a bit of everglades seasoning
Fat-free Fage Greek yogurt: http://fageusa.com/?gclid=CJLi8O3zhpgCFQ-bnAod1UH6DQ#/products/zero/ on top then fold in half and it is a delicious omlette
2 pieces of organic Nature's Own bread http://www.naturesownbread.com/NAT_Varieties/variety.cfm?categoryid=101&productid=285- toasted, with 1/2 tablespoon butter on top
Water

Calories:
Eggs: 70 Cal each = 140 Cal total (8 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates - 0gSugar, 12 g Protein)
Seasoning: 0 Cal
Yogurt: 120 Cal/serving = 120 Cal total (0 g Fat, 9 g Carbohydrates - 9gSugar, 20 g Protein)
Bread: 100 Cal each = 200 Cal total (3 g Fat, 42 g Carbohydrates - 6gSugar, 10 g Protein) **Just noticed - this has Soybean oil in it - I will be replacing this with something else soon and will update
Butter: 50 Cal (6.5 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates, 0 g Protein)
Total: 510 Cal (17.5 g Fat, 51 g Carbohydrates - 15 g Sugar, 42 g Protein)

Having seen this, I need to lower the amount of Carbohydrates, and get a different bread. I think the best way to do this is to change to Wasa crackers instead, these: http://us.wasa.com/Pages/WasaProducts-MultiGrain.aspx. The ingredients are much better, and two of these are very filling...

So, that would change everything to:
Calories:
Eggs: 70 Cal each = 140 Cal total (8 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates - 0gSugar, 12 g Protein)
Seasoning: 0 Cal
Yogurt: 120 Cal/serving = 120 Cal total (0 g Fat, 9 g Carbohydrates - 9gSugar, 20 g Protein)
Wasa Crackers (2): 45 Cal each = 90 Cal total (0 g Fat, 20 g Carbohydrates - 0gSugar, 4 g Protein)
No butter!
Total: 350 Cal (8 g Fat, 29 g Carbohydrates - 9 g Sugar, 36 g Protein)

BETTER!!
Lots of protein to begin the day...lower Carbohydrates, not too much fat...

I seem to be hungry again in about 3 hours...but since it is also better to eat many small meals, this is also ok...

Cooking with me!

I've been in the process of going vegetarian since 1993...
In 1993, I stopped eating meat...
In 1998, I stopped eating chicken...
In 2006, I stopped eating fish...

So, my protein has relied on eating copious amounts of soy...
Well, turns out soy isn't so good for you (highly processed, etc.), and also not good for a guy (excess estrogen) so now, I'm trying to eliminate that as well for me and DH...

Besides that, I'm an absolute suger addict...and well, that's not good either...

So, my four main goals for the new year:
1. Cut down on sugar
2. Eliminate soy from my diet
3. Eat balanced meals
4. Make meals that DH likes

So, since I'm only on CD5, and have a while to wait till O...my next few days will be spent trying to write down some good recipes that I've found so far...

Dinner: Zucchini Spaghetti

I'm working on getting better at dinner. I never do anything that takes longer than 10-15 minutes to prepare. I'm trying to stay away from carbohydrates, so I substitute zucchini for the noodles - thats the only part that takes a while. The thing I use to make the spaghetti from the zucchini is this:



I got one off of ebay for $20 shipped, and I use it all the time (for about a year now)
The next time I make it, I'm going to try to include meatless meatballs (but I have to come up with a recipe for that first).

Spaghetti noodles: Raw Zucchini that is "spaghettified" (I cut up two of them - took about 3 minutes).





Put in a pan, with one tablespoon of coconut oil and a bit of Everglades seasoning (to taste).




Cooked for about 5 minutes. **I should have drained off the excess water here, but I didn't - I will next time.

Sauce: Classico Spaghetti sauce and 1.5 tablespoons of Sun-dried tomato pesto, I also included all of the spinach that I had.









The whole thing has a ton of flavor, and is pretty nutritious. Put a bit of good-quality ROmano cheese on top, and done!

Nutritional Information:
2 Zucchini: 31 Cal each = 62 Cal total (0 g Fat, 14 g Carbohydrates - 4gFiber/6gSugar, 4g Protein)
1 tablespoon Coconut Oil = 117 Cal total (14 g Fat, 0 g Carbohydrates, 0 g Protein) **I use Coconut oil for everything from cooking, to conditioner, to lipgloss, to moistureizer, it is the best of the best!! Learn more about it here:
Coconut Oil is good for you
Spaghetti Sauce: 70 Cal per 1/2 cup serving (we ate 3 servings) = 210 Cal total (6 g Fat, 30 g Carbohydrates - 6gFiber/18gSugar, 6 g Protein)
Sun-dried Pesto: 65 Cal total - for 1/2 a serving - a serving is 1/4 cup, I had about 1/8 cup (6.5 g Fat, 3.5 g Carbohydrates - .5gFiber/1.5gSugar, 1 g Protein)
Spinach: 7 Cal total (0 g Fat, 1 g Carbohydrates - 1gFiber/0gSugar, 1 g Protein)

Total: 461 Cal (26,5 g Fat, 48.5 g Carbohydrates - 11.5gFiber/19.5gSugar, 12 g Protein)

Since this was for both of us, the total Cal per person was: 230.5 - WOW!

Given my calculations, I definitely need more protein here. I think that the meatless meatballs if made with almond flour and egg, will more than make up for that...so that is the goal next time...

Time to RELAX!

I'm a pretty stressed person - especially with this, cause there is literally nothing I can do to *make* it happen...I'm usually so in control, this is such a new experience...

So, right now, my goal is to RELAX!! I am sure that I stressed so much last month that it delayed O (I kept seeing signs of O - and then they'd go away - 3 times starting at CD18 - which is when I usually - on a normal cycle - O anyway)...so, if I start thinking too much about O...now, I visualize being on the beach, and relaxing...

Right now, I'm only CD4, so its working pretty well...but, as I get closer to O day, I'm sure that it will be more difficult...

So, things I have to keep myself busy:
1. School
2. Hubby (we love going to movies and there are some good ones out right now - will write more on that later)
3. Cleaning
4. Dollies (I've been neglecting them so much lately)
5. Facebook (I've been able to reconnect with about 20 people who I was really good friends with when I was a kid - so, I can always write to them when I'm obsessing too much)
6. Cooking (more on that later!)
7. Visualizing Eggie meets sperm, they fall in love...and the rest is history...LOL!

I have done a blood test for getting results on my thyroid...I'm going back to the doctor to find out the results next Monday...am hoping that it can be fixed quickly...

Where oh where are you?

I'm currently 11-12DPO, and am waiting very impatiently for AF to show up...

I had hope through this morning, but I took a HPT and it was BFN...and my temps seem to be dropping also...

Realistically, I'm pretty sure that we missed the timing on it this month (I think I Oed on December 25, and we couldn't BD until December 26)...so it goes, I learned a lot...

But, this coming month would be an October baby - and since both myself and my husband are October babies, this would be an amazing present to us:)

Ok, so I'll admit, I'm completely OCD, I want to have complete control at all times, and not having it is very stressful for me...so, I'm trying to have as close to a foolproof plan as I can...so, I know that at least if the eggie is a good eggie, it will meet the sperm...

So...my plan:
**WARNING: WAY TMI**
1. BD every other day starting on CD14 (I know I wont O earlier than that)
2. Keep close track of CM...
3. When CM starts increasing, start using OPKs 2x/day (I just ordered 50 of them)
4. Also, when CM starts increasing, start taking regular Robitussin once a day...
5. If temp drops, be sure to BD that day no matter what...same for a + OPK: BD that day no matter what...
6. On + OPK days: after BD, put in an Instead cup after - wait 20 minutes...if no *O* during BD, then manually *O* to make sure that spermies get up there...
(keep Instead cup in for at least 4 hours)

If it doesn't work, and if AF is as late as it was this time (I'm already on CD43!!)...then I will be going to a fertility specialist in February...I've been recording when I've gotten AF for the last year, and I think that information will allow for me to be seen by him/her...hopefully so I can get on some drugs to get the ball moving, and to check everything out to make sure everything is ok...

The Plan

On my TO DO/TO GET list:
1. ClearPlan Easy Ovulation Test Pack OPKs (I ran out cause I had to test so much) - according to Consumer Reports: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/27/earlyshow/health/main538075.shtml

In the end, the ClearPlan Easy Ovulation Test Pack ($30.32/5 tests) won, with a
borderline "Very Good/Excellent" overall rating (it received an "excellent" for
LH sensitivity and was easier to read than most others, but again, it will not
detect the LH surge of approximately 12percent of women).The Answer Quick &
Simple One-Step Ovulation Test ($16.89/5 tests) was at the bottom of the list,
with an overall rating of "Poor" (the only test that received a "poor" for LH
sensitivity, and without a protective cap, it can be messy to use).

2. Robitussin - to make CM more fertile
3. Lunette Menstraul Cup - to keep the spermies in after
4. FRER - because Free Response is supposed to be the best (and earliest), and hopefully I will be needing it this cycle...

Plan is to BD every other day during the week of O...
Will update as to how that works...

Post-holidays update

Well...I *think* I Oed at this point...
but the timing couldn't have been worse...

I finally started temping during the week of Dec. 14. I had really low temps (down to 96.8!) and then I went to the doctor on Monday, Dec. 22. She said that she thinks I have adrenal problems, so I did an adrenal saliva test, and a blood test and will see what happens with that...she also put me on extra high doses of B6 (which is great cause B6 is supposed to help fertility anyway)...I go back on Jan. 20...

The next day, we went on vacation to my parents house...well, we couldn't BD then (on a pull out couch in the living room) and I could just feel the O actually starting (instead of the fake signs that I had been looking for the previous few weeks)...what timing!

When we got home (on Friday, Dec. 26), I still had a bit of EWCM, and I jumped DH...but I think I actually Oed on Dec. 25 (MERRY CHRISTMAS - ARGH!!!)...

I had significantly higher temps on Saturday so that confirmed to me that O had probably occured - I just dont know if it was Thursday or Friday for sure, but then this week, they jumped even more - like .4 higher than last week - so now I'm wondering if maybe I Oed this week...but I dont think so (TMI for the whole post I know - but this week was creamy and last week was EWCM)...

So, if I haven't gotten AF by next week, then I will take an HPT, and hope for the best...I doubt I'll have to though, I feel absolutely no symptoms...my BBS are so not sore that I keep poking them to make them sore (sad I know)...

Well, that's about it...
This month was a test month to find out about my body...
But, next month, I'm going full force...