I'm pretty down today...

Sorry for the downer post...I can be happy and funny...but wow have I not been on this blog...just not feeling it right now...anyway...

I have been doing Big Brothers, Big Sisters for 6 1/2 years. The kid that I have is a really great kid, but the circumstances in which she lives aren't the best. I've been with her since she was 9, and now she is almost 16. Yesterday she was telling me that her mom was screaming at her and her brother because they didn't fold the laundry, and saying how she wished tht she had never had kids, and all kinds of horrible things. This has happened before. A few years ago, the mother kicked the kid out and made her live with a friend of hers in a whole nother town. Last year, she was kicked out again (the mother has anger control issues), and lived with me for a month. And, here I sit, desperately wanting kids, having the financial ability to pay for kids, having the patience to deal with kids (I deal with 150 teenagers every day at school)...and yet, I'm having trouble even conceiving a child, and yet her mom had a kid that she didn't even want and doesn't appreciate - ON ACCIDENT!! Just doesn't seem fair...

To be even more of a downer...a friend of mine has been very depressed since March 2008. Since that time, he has called me on the phone (on average) two times/week - and usually the phone calls last about 2 hours each time. This is hard on me...I've spent hours and hours just listening...and there is nothing that I can do...and its depresing, and just hard...
He's in a really bad spot, and pretty much takes it out on me - he always gets mad at me for any tiny thing, and at a certain point, it really is difficult to take - even though I know he's going through a really tough time. Anyway, last week, I spoke to him for 2 hours on Monday (at a time when I was dealing with my dog nearly dying - and he kept saying how I should put the dog down - but I shouldn't - the dog is ok now -- so I was getting annoyed)...anyway, on Tuseday of last week, he wrote me an email, but I didn't check email Tuesday or Wednesday (I just got busy)...so, on Wednesday night, he called and said to check email...I checked on Thursday morning and wrote him back...and now he wont talk to me...so, I dont feel like dealing with it, cause I dont want to get yelled at, but I'm worried about him, and its making my stomach twist in knots...I emailed him yesterday, I think he wants an apology...but I'm not sorry, I just can't believe that he's this mad at me for not answering an email...I'm not a business, I dont have a 24 hour turn around time...ugh!! This is just making me horribly messed up, am trying not to think about it...but that isnt working...

I got my ultrasound of my thyroid today. Because I go back to the thyroid doctor to get the evaluation of the thyroid on Monday. I've never gotten an ultrasound before, and I gotta say that I was a bit sad that I wasn't getting a ultrasound of a baby...

Again, sorry for being so down...just some things weighing on my mind...

On a positive note, my husband is wonderful...my dogs are healthy...and I'm already 10 days into my cycle...if I can just keep my stress in check (IF ONLY!!), then I should O on CD18...in only 8 days - I HOPE!! I have everything all ready to go:
1. Robitussin (I got 400mg generic tablets) - will take 2/day starting at CD15...
2. Instead cups - already tried them out...to put in after...
3. 50 OPKs (I understand how these work better, and am more in tune with my body so I shouldn't waste as many as I did last time)
4. Starting to take BBT on Tuesday - CD14...and I know that my body is very obvious when it Os now...
5. 21 HPTs...heh heh...

And, the best thing - OBAMA IS GOING TO BE PRSIDENT ON TUESDAY - YEAH!!!!!!!

I also scheduled a first appointment with a gynocologist...and its on February 16 (VERY SOON!)...unlike the yearly person I went to in June...this one will be able to be proactive if she feels that I'm not Oing fast enough...since I have only had 6 cycles in all of 2008, I'm hoping that she will be practive very quickly!